Surgery Blues

Surgery Blues

Whenever my surgery rotation comes up, everything in my life seems to come to a halt. No more blog post writing, no more writing in general, no more doodling, no more art, no more photography. Surgery seems to suck the life out of me. I have tried figuring out what it is about surgery that makes me feel this way but it seems that surgery in general ends up exhausting me. The past five weeks have just been a series of going to the hospital and coming home to study and sleep and then repeating. 

Alternatively, I did end up farming XP and leveled up on Pokemon Go.

I have not been able to muster the energy to write anything. I have not even been able to find the energy to scroll through my Instagram or Twitter feed, let alone post anything. 

Fortunately, I’ve got a break. For the next four weeks, I don’t have to go anywhere and technically don’t have to study anything either. I say technically because… of course, I’m going to end up studying something or the other.

During these past few weeks, I have done quite a few things which I haven’t blogged or talked about on any social media. For example, I watched Endgame (and have lots of opinions about it). Similarly, I’ve been reading marginally more than I usually do. I’ve given two presentations to my class, both of which were not exactly spectacular (more on that later). I’ve also started fighting people (but only because they made me, otherwise I don’t even like talking to people). In between all of these were clinical sessions, some great, some not so great, all of them rather stressful. Oh, and I turned 23 just a few days ago.

Presentations are not my strong suit. I spent three weeks obsessively making a presentation on varicose veins because the facilitator who would be taking the session didn’t exactly have the brightest and happiest disposition. Most people in my class felt sorry for me. I thought I could pull it off fairly well. I did some reading and made my slides. 

And proceeded to get creamed. 

Afterward, a couple of people came to tell me that it was alright and I honestly could’ve done anything and everything and the result would have been the same. I know they’re right. I really couldn’t have done much to make the facilitator happy, but at least everyone learned a thing or two out of the session, although I feel that I walked out more confused than anything, considering how most of the things I’d written in my slides was deemed untrue. Now who am I supposed to trust; the surgery book or a practiced surgeon? 

Oh well.

The second presentation was also one that I stressed out on, mostly because I had left this one for the absolute last day and ended up spending well over four or five hours trying to cover everything. When the time to give the presentation rolled around, nobody was there to chair the session. I basically gave a lecture to just two people who were actually listening. Everyone else was too preoccupied with their own thing to listen to the hours of work I’d put in.

Both of these presentations brought me to a single conclusion. While I do dislike making presentations and giving presentations, I realized that I feel a sense of duty to make sure that the people on the receiving end of the presentation actually learn something. It’s not just about copy pasting content, it’s about arranging the content and filtering it out into an understandable and quick format, it’s about adding pictures and diagrams of value, it’s about making things as simple as possible. Unfortunately, not all presentations are made with this mind and not all listeners actually hear what you’re going on about.

In my eagerness for getting a break from surgery and all the stress that comes along with it, I have also drafted a list of things that I would like to do. Of course, most of them are related to writing and blogging, as I hope to write enough content to last me through any and all dry seasons of this year. I also hope to get around to doing things I used to do before, like posting art timelapses on instagram or making more journal spreads. 

It’s not just creative writing though, I also plan on publishing a couple of study posts as well, so look forward to that!

Apart from blogging and writing, I’ve also got some study goals mostly centered around my final MBBS examinations and Step One. I personally feel like I would be more comfortable doing the hardcore Step One studying after my professionals, mostly because I don’t want to do either of these two halfway. I want to give my 100% in my MBBS and I also want to give my 100% on the Step One. A lot of people are advising me the opposite and telling me to do the hardcore studying in these four weeks, but the crux of the matter is that I won’t do something if I don’t feel 100% certain about it. And I do not feel certain about giving the Step One before my professionals. Not yet, at least. 

That’s pretty much what I’ve been up to these days. I hope to write more quality posts in the upcoming weeks to make up for the lack of posts from the previous weeks. Thanks for reading! 


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